AFL round 10 ‘expert’ tips

All Collingwood fans must wear this specially designed flu mask at this week's game.

It’s the ’non-event’ round

Have a look at the draw this week. If you can get excited about any of the 8 games that are on you’re probably the type who gets excited whenever you open a fresh packet of Cornflakes or when it’s your turn to take the rubbish out. I’m predicting the attendances will be well down this week due to (a) lack of interest and (b) the swine flu ’scare’ (in that order). Perhaps the AFL should relax its drug testing this week because I think the players could be excused for taking “stimulants” in such a boring round.

Here are my (non substance-induced) ‘expert’ tips in RED. Baldrick’s contribution follows, in BLUE:

Carlton v West Coast : The Blues are as big a certainty to win this one back home as they were a certainty to lose to the Crows in ‘Adewaide’ last week. They’re ‘home town heroes’ and yes, we all ”know they’re coming” but the better sides are not really worried about it. The Eagles will struggle to win any game when they’ve got their Cockie out, as they have this week. Although Cox is in, I believe. It’s very confusing.

Bulldogs v Sydney : Well this might have been a good game but it’s being played in Canberra and nothing exciting ever happens up there. I don’t think they’ve had any swine flu cases in the ACT so this might attract the biggest crowd of the round ~ about 15,000. Footscray will be too fast for the ‘too old’ Swans.

Nth Melbourne v Brisbane : The Lions nearly rolled St Kilda last week at the same ground so you’d reckon they’d be certainties to ‘do the Roos’ this week. Stranger things have happened though and the only real certainty is that this game will set a record low attendance for the Docklands stadium. 

St Kilda v Melbourne : The Saints have ’sold’ their home game to the Gold Coast and they’re taking no chances. I’m not kidding, Nick Riewoldt confirmed on the Footy Show that they’ll be wearing face masks on the flight up there. I suggest both sides wear them for the whole game in case any of those swine flu infected passengers on that cruise ship get off at Brisbane. Anyway it’s 1st v last and that’s why I’m picking the Saints, but not by a huge margin.

Fremantle v Richmond : Geezus, they should not be allowed to call this game AFL. It’s more like a battle of which side wants to lose it the most and I think that’s Freo because they’ve all had a flu scare on that flight back home last week and would rather be at home with their mums. It’s Wallace’s 500th game as player & coach (well done) and it’s also a chance for Ben Cousins to strut his stuff in his old stomping ground (he might even catch up with a few old ‘friends’) and that should be enough to see the Tigers pull off a surprise ’season turning’ victory.

Adelaide v Hawthorn : Again, on paper this looks like a pretty good contest but hey, no game involving Adelaide reaches any level of excitement. Bock’s back and that gives the Crows a real chance of strangling the Hawks’ attack and boring them into defeat. Besides, a few Hawthorn players might be ‘down’ on ‘performance’ this week in a bid to avoid that 3rd strike. 

Essendon v Geelong : I’m going to contradict myself here. This WILL be exciting … for about the first 1 and a half quarters. That’s when Essendon will realise that without Lovett-Murray they’re just no match for the big boys. And Jobe Watson v Gary Ablett? Ha, ha, that’s an unfair contest.

Collingwood v Pt Adelaide : It’s the battle of the bogans at the G ~ and that’s just in the crowd. How could you pick either side based on their topsy turvy form? Honestly this could go either way, but I guess Port have been the more woeful so I’m picking the Pies by default. 

AND BALDRICK SAYS:

Reporting for duty Round 10. A nice even number and I wouldn’t mind a nice even 8 after the shower of shite I’ve been picking this year. There seems to be something altogether incongruous when one awaits prophetic prognostications from a character called Baldrick. Anyway here goes:

CARLTON v West Coast: What a game to start off with. I’ve been waiting for Fevola to lift off each week now for the last 3 and now I wish he really did and just kept going. Would Carlton keep persisting if he wasn’t of Italian heritage? I reckon the Weagles could really take this game up to these prima donnatellies. First time they’ve played at this ground. Why did I bother mentioning that, no reason really, just useless information for an event I couldn’t give a stuff about.

FOOTSCRAY v South Melbourne: Now that was a real game last week with the Doggies falling just short. As much as that game “apparently” meant nothing to Geelong, it meant heaps to the Scraggers. I was really impressed with their tenacity and dare I say doggedness. The form that I expected for many weeks. Haven’t seen much of Sydney. Who has the advantage on a neutral ground in Canberra? Could the Dogs be a little jaded after such a huge game last week and the Swans bore them witless with their brand of tai chi footy? Still reckon the boys from the western suburbs to triumph.

North Melbourne v BRISBANE: The Lions have slowly but surely resurrected themselves after they had the suitcase belted out of them by the Cats a few rounds ago. They seem to be resonating with their suave coach. Still not convinced by an ever erratic North outfit. Not expecting a large crowd, North haven’t any supporters and the Lions supporters probably didn’t leave early enough for their punts to get through NSW. Again, a lot relies on Bradshaw and Brown. If they click, it could be over early.

ST.KiLDA v Melbourne: Yes they have to drop a game eventually. Not this one. The only issue is whether they can get through another match without significant injuries. Melbourne, looking to improve their tans in time for the forecast snow drop on Buller. It has stopped raining up there hasn’t it?

FREMANTLE v Richmond: I hope Freo wear their white tops with that nice purple anchor. Purple is my favourite colour, that and magenta. I know that that sounds effeminate and you’re wondering which foot I’m kicking with but that’s infinitely more interesting to write about than this travesty of a football fixture. I hope Pavlich has a field day and Richmond look at relocating to Perth as it is a very beautiful city and the night lights at Kings Park is a sight to behold and not to mention the emerald green sea at Cottesloe and ………….

Adelaide v HAWTHORN: Rox has made me break out into a cold sweat as now I realise someone reads my tripe. I pick the Hawks because I don’t think the inclusion of Bock (nice German name that) is enough to counteract a steadily improving Hawks outfit replete with the return of that thug Dew. I look at that Hawk forward line and it is frightening and they can play well too. If Hawthorn do throw this one away however I will like them that little bit more.

Essendon v GEELONG: Chris Connolly apparently said that teams that fall across the line generally lose the following week. There is no doubt that the Pivotonians got an almighty work-out last week and they looked stuffed. Footscray were full of adrenalin last week (I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt given the revelations late in the week). The loss of our hard man and prime motivator Chappie and our misquito Stokes are a big loss but could be evened out by the Dons’ loss of Lovett Murray. Expect to see the Bombers run at lightning speed and put some real pressure on our ageing backline. Mooney to lighten the load on Hawkins who might accidentally kick a goal this week. Cats by a whisker.

COLLENWOOD v Pt.Adelaide: This is a family blog so I will keep it sanitised. The scum v the scum. Scoreless draw. Bring on the FA Cup and go the Toffees (for the uninitiated Everton to beat Chelski 2-0)

(And Ray says, again: Good to see you’re a traditionalist by refusing to use the names Western Bulldogs & Sydney, but ‘Collenwood’? Shouldn’t that be COLON-WOOD? You know, the team from the bowels of society?)