AFL round 12 (part 1) ‘expert’ tips

The AFL is run by crazies.

It’s Lunatic Round

This is the round that the geniuses at the AFL split over two weeks so that all clubs get a mid-season rest. Fair enough, but it’s a pity that they don’t seem to know that half of 8 equals 4 - why do we have 5 games on this week and only 3 next week? And why are there no games at all in Melbourne on Saturday & Sunday? I don’t know what the rationale is behind this wacky scheduling but then again, there’s not a lot the AFL does that makes much sense. Anyway, in keeping with this lunatic theme I notice that the Herald Sun  has also joined in with this ‘real clever’ and possibly insane report:

BREAKING news: The AFL has launched an investigation into St Kilda amid claims it has used the banned substance kryptonite. Suspicions were sparked by revelations Chris Judd plays more like Clark Kent than Superman every time he fronts the Saints.

Huh? Yeah, it really must be a full moon. Here are the (perfectly sane) ‘expert’ tips for ’five-eighths of round 12′ (well, mine are ’sane’, I can’t speak for Baldrick – in blue - though) :

Carlton v St Kilda : The Saints have made a habit of beating Carlton by plenty in recent years and there’s no reason to think that’s about to change. The Blues are young & quick  but they might be a bit undersized in the end.

Bulldogs v Pt Adelaide : It’s being played in Darwin (again) and the bogans from SA just can’t handle the heat. What’s the betting that at least one Port player gets involved in a pub brawl? Footscray will win because they’re a serious side, whereas Port are just … well, a bunch of bogans.

Richmond v West Coast : I wouldn’t normally pick the Eagles to beat anyone in Melbourne but the Tigers’ new ‘caretaker’ coach has decided to drop his best players and replace them with a bunch of juniors. They’ll get thrashed.

Hawthorn v Brisbane : If this were to be played anywhere other than in Tasmania I’d go for Brisbane. You see, it’s going to be pretty cold down there on Sunday afternoon and the Lions just lose all interest in those conditions. Hawthorn doesn’t deserve to win after being ‘gifted’ a victory by Barry Hall last week but unfortunately they’re going to win this quite easily.

Adelaide v Nth Melbourne : This is exactly the sort of game that North usually gets up and wins against the odds but, unfortunately for them, they wore themselves out last week throwing everything they had at the Saints, to no avail. The Crows are on a bit of a roll and are even kicking reasonable scores – amazing!

And here are Baldrick’s tips and ‘expert’ opinions:

Carlton v ST.KILDA: How do I talk this game up? I won’t because it isn’t a contest although the Saints will take a while to wind up.

FOOTSCRAY v Pt.Adelaide: The Doggies slowly tuning themselves for the second half of the year. Inclusion of Bob (nee Robert) Murphy a class act, although probably underdone will still add some class. Not sure what it is with name changes of players at Footscray, maybe confuse the opposition, however, I thought you could do that by sneaking into the Port rooms and substituting footy boots for moccasins.

RICHMOND v West Coast: Only because Raymond tipped the Weagles, I was going to as well but then he’d claim I was copying. Not smart enough to do that.

HAWTHORN v Brisbane: No Rioli, no magic. Will need to be a workmanlike effort from a very non blue collar outfit. Have enough class to outplay Brisbane although I fancy a better Brown effort this week from Fitzroy Nth. How cold is it going to be there?

ADELAIDE v Nth.Melbourne: Don’t fancy either team. Very disappointed by a Nth team that is a mere shell of its former self. Where they playing this game anyway? Does it matter? Perhaps to liven it up they could play it on Coode Island and have the Chemical Brothers as a headline act.

I see we’re not venturing the other tips as yet. No doubt we’ll keep the punters in suspenders for another week.

And Ray (as usual) has the last word: You can nominate your part 2 tips if you like, Baldrick, but I’d like to see who’s in & who’s out first. I’m a professional, you see.