JR’s ‘Phone Wars’

Guest post by: JR from Wodonga

I press the buttons for the number, select call, put the handset up to my ear and wait … the respondent announces words to the effect of, “Thank you for calling John P Bloggs & Co. (or whatever), Sharon speaking”. Now, at this point in time, I could have sworn I heard her speak, so why does she need to tell me she’s speaking? I’M NOT ENTIRELY DEAF!

So here goes, here’s how I usually – calm as a cucumber – wade in with, “Hello, Sharon, this is Jim speaking. Tell me, how are we related?” Stunned momentary silence usually follows. Listening carefully, I imagine I can hear the cobwebs stretching as the rusty cogs slowly awaken and begin their journey to n-o-w-h-e-r-e. Then, the magic response of, “I don’t know, are we …?”. To which I reply, “Well, Sharon, we appear to have the same surname”. More silence. Then, “Have we?”, she asks. “Yes, Speaking”, I offer.

After some more shaky, eratic orbits of Venus, “No, my surname is Jones (or whatever)”, and the penny just doesn’t drop for a few more sterile, vacant moments, or worse, not at all during our conversation. And don’t forget, these people are the front-line troops for the company they represent.

Some begin to giggle as they “get it” and some have banished the last traces of their sense of humour to where ever, for whatever reason. In one very profound case, the poor girl – I really felt sorry for her – had to post something out to me and actually used HER surname on the envelope INSTEAD of mine. Go figure!