I have a new job
Who said running a “3rd-rate blog” doesn’t pay? Someone has noticed my incredible Internet skills and outstanding integrity & character and has offered me a job. It’s not just any job, mind you; I will have a “career” as an
“International Cashier” for the well known Shuenn Jaan Group International Company of Taiwan.
And I only have to work 1 – 2 hours per day … from home! I bet you wish you’d received an email like this one. Well it’s too late, the job is gone and it’s mine (my reply follows the offer):
Pleasant day,
Do you have access to the computer and internet?
If yes, Shuenn Jaan Group International Company is proud to offer you a position in the company, as we are seeking for an International Cashier. The Company is well known in its field. We have an excellent reputation.
Advantages of this position: You will work from your own computer, from the comfort of your home or office, you can combine these Job with your Current Job – You will spend only 1-2 hours a day on this Job position – You can easily make a career in our company
Requirements:
-An excellent candidate must
-Have an access to the internet
-Have 1-2 free hours a day
-Honesty
-Sincerity
-Ability to check your e-mail several times a day and to respond to email every time.
Responsibility:
-A candidate will be responsible for executing tasks given by his manager. We have many positions in our company. After a careful investigation on your reply we will send you a reply with the position with will suit you.
Vacancy is only opened for residents of the United Kingdom (U.K), United States, Australia and Canada.
We awaits your prompt reply. Thank you and God bless you.
Engineer. Williams Lawrence
(HR-Human Resources Dept.)
SHUENN JAAN MACHINERIES CO., LTD.
No.803, CHUNG SHAN N. RD., YUNG KANG CITY, TAINAN HSIEN, TAIWAN R.O.C.
………………………….
Reply:
Good greetings,
Thank you Engineer Williams Lawrence for your kind and most timely offer of a career with your renowned & dynamic company. I would be honoured to serve with you and be your “International Cashier”, as I am very good at this caper, which I will explain in more detail below.
In answer to your queries as to my qualifications meeting your most stringent job requirements:
- Yes, I have “access to the computer and internet”, how the f*ck else would I have received your email?
- I am a very busy person but I can find “1-2 free hours” if the pay is right and if you cover my broadband connection fees, which are f*cking outrageous.
- Do I have ”honesty & sincerity”? Well compared to you I’m a f*cking saint.
- As for my “ability to check my e-mail several times a day and to respond to email every time”, that is no problem. I get a f*cking sh*t-load of porn and ’Nigeraian fraud emails’ in my spam and I always read and reply to every one of them.
As an extra qualification please note that I have acted with honesty & sincerity in all my previous roles as the international cashier for Tony Mokbiel Enterprises, Robert Trimbole Ltd, Christopher Skase Intl. and the Gangitano, Moran & Williams Family Trusts.
Unfortunately I cannot supply written references as all my previous colleagues are either incarcerated or have been f*cking shot dead.
However, Mr Mick Gatto of the Carlton Crew (who only shot that bloke in self defence) can certainly vouch for my expertise and integrity in the international cashiering field.
Mr Gatto would like to first pay you a visit to ensure you are on the up & up with your offer so I have taken the liberty and precaution of dispatching him post haste to your Taiwanese address.
You have 30 minutes left from now before he arrives. I just hope for your sake that YOU open your f*cking emails as soon as they land and that you have a will made out.
Yours sincerely,
J. Packer (you might have heard of me, I own casinos!)
Promoting 'Beautiful Bright'.
Click 
It must be because your popularity on twitter raised your international profile.
There is no such thing as bad publicity, Ralph?
That’s not bad but I sponsor a Nigerian soccer team and registered my relatively Inexpensive claim as heir to a diamond mine in Argentina. It’s amazing how I’m exclusively selected for entitlements like this.
I’m still waiting for that $50million to be transferred into my account of which I am entitled to retain $1.5 million as my commission. I’ve paid the $50,000 in “establishment & handling fees” so the pay off should come through any day now.
Yeh, I’m playing the patient game too. As they say it is a virtue to be patient and good things come to people who are patient and understanding. These things are complicated and they need to get things right. I know shabby agencies would only rush and botch things up.
I’m getting a lot of bookings at GG from various gentlemen who sound much like the author of that job offer.
It’s fantastic – they book the whole place for two weeks and pay me (with a stolen credit card) for not only the accommodation component but for all their airfare & transportation costs.
All I have to do is then transfer the excess payment via Western Union to some strange account.
I just hope the bank doesn’t cancel the initial transaction otherwise I’ll be out of pocket big time.
But I think these people sound pretty genuine.
Thanks Ray. I have just disturbed the whole reference library reading your reply.
God bless you.
Hey Baldrick,
My Nigerian team are going to wipe the floor your blokes. Your team has no structure or stamina. 5-0 I say.
Never underestimate me gummy hoof, I have yet another very cunning plan.
The thing is how do you get trousers that fit having taken up all of the offers to expand your middle wicket?
Gezz there is just so much truth out there on the net….
Its that new picture you have up there Ray..they’re going crazy in China… I keep getting mails about British lotteries that I have won…I am “virtually” rich as well..