AFL round 14 ‘expert’ tips
It’s Handbag Round
Following Geelong’s dummy spit and “they hit us” squibbing of last week, the AFL has declared round 14 Handbag Round in honour of the Geelong handbaggers who can’t take a bit of punishment and who definitely can’t take being beaten by their nemesis, especially when they only manage 6 goals, and especially when they don’t kick a goal after the 16 minute mark of the 2nd quarter.
Hereafter special rules will be introduced for round 14 every year that include: (1) Tackling a Geelong player – 2 weeks suspension (2) Saying “boo” to a Geelong player – 2 weeks suspension (3) Looking sideways at a Geelong player – 2 weeks suspension (4) Being stupid enough to put your head at the end of a Geelong player’s flying elbow and having your eye split open – 9 weeks suspension. Well, it worked last week! Here are the ‘expert’ tips with last week’s results …. etc:
Ray (7) (67)
Carlton v Brisbane: Brown has a pain in the groin and is out. Fevola is a pain in the arse and is out too. Carlton by, oh, 55 pts.
Hawthorn v Bulldogs: Everyone is talking up the Hawks but who have they beaten? There is no chance that Franklin will repeat his miracle goals of the last round. It’s at Etihad and he gets crammed for room there and it’s too close to the night clubs anyway.
Fremantle v Pt Adelaide: An easy one for the flying Freo Dockers. They should rest a few players.
Collingwood v West Coast: This round just gets easier & easier to pick. I suggest the AFL introduces a handicap systyem in the 2nd half of the year just to make it interesting. 16th gets 16 goals start, 15th gets 15 and so on up to no 9. But Collingwood would still win this.
Adelaide v Essendon: Which team was it that played Adelaide back into form? They should be banned. Essendon should take a squad of vuvuzela blowers over to put the Crows off.
Geelong v Nth Melbourne: You know, if this game were anywhere but Handbag Park I’d be picking North to upset the girls. And I’d be picking Thompson and his team to cry like little babies again after they lost.
Richmond v Sydney: Bloody hell. On form and because it’s in Melbourne you would have to go for the Jack-inspired Tigers. But I dunno. I just dunno. Sydney need it more.
St Kilda v Melbourne: Because I have tickets and they have promised to behave and not let Melbourne split any St Kilda player’s heads open.
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Baldrick (4) (67)
CARLTON v Brisbane
No Kreuzer, no Waite, two of the Blues key players, partly balanced by O’Halpin’s inclusion. Good move by Brisbane saving Fevola embarrassment by leaving him out of the line-up. Brown out is pretty significant. Home team in what will be an uninspiring game.
Hawthorn v FOOTSCRAY
Now this will be a game. The Hawks fancy their chances after some wins, albeit against ordinary opposition. The Dogs not been on fire either but they will be too strong and nullify Franklin who needs to sustain form to be considered to be anything but a flashy player. It will be tough and uncompromising. And it is time for the Dogs to stamp their authority and try to pull away from Collingwood who have a number of soft matches coming up.
FREMANTLE v Pt. Adelaide
Home team again but Freo if they skip away early have the capacity of inflicting some harm to Port’s belief they may be a contender for finals. No Victorians will be interested in this match, but I hope my man Pavlich plays a blinder.
COLLINGWOOD v West Coast
Weagles confidence pretty low at the moment and they have very poor away form. The scum will be far too strong at home. Anthony to frighten any Eagles players by merely looking at them. My god he’s ugly, makes our Lingie look like a movie star. Even Leon Davis is a threat to kick a goal in this one.
ADELAIDE v Essendon
Not confident about this one. The Porpoise is back and he should lift the Crows. The Dons spine is missing, Fletcher suspended. On the other hand, the Dons could run the Chardonnay sippers off their feet, need a good start and nullify the feral crowd’s influence.
GEELONG v Nth.Melbourne
This will be closer than most expect it to be. The Shinboners are steadily improving. Geelong as Raymond will attest are gone, shot, devoid of morals, bereft of skill, inspiration or motivation. Nevertheless, home ground advantage will have us limp across the line by a point, kicked after the siren by Harry Taylor, obviously assisted by blind umpires.
Richmond v SYDNEY
I find it difficult to tip against Sydney. The Tiges are chock full of confidence after their crushing wins in the last weeks (any win is a crushing win). Swans inclusions in Kennelly and Bradford bolster Swans credentials as they’ve been shaky. Not sure about the latter’s fitness levels, may have been rushed in and wouldn’t be surprised if he is a late scratching. Nice to see Riewoldt scoring prolifically and at the G bound to get a few more in front of an adoring crowd. Swans “must” win or they have to cop another massive spray from Roos, not worth it.
ST.KILDA v Melbourne
Poor Dees, they’ve got to face an indignant Saints team who reckon the world is out to get them. Last week’s bruising encounter will have taken it’s toll and they may well be a tad more relaxed against Melbourne but should win easily. Despite what Raymond says, I have the utmost respect for the professionalism and skill of the Sainters. No team, and especially not the hapless Demons will shake St.Kilda’s resolve to press their claim to be the best team in the league.
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Greg (5) (69)
I wonder if I can be the first to get 8 out of 8 tips? (No chance, Greg)
• Carlton to beat the Brisbane Lions – without Fevola by 22 points
• Hawthorn to beat Western Bulldogs
• Fremantle to beat Port Adelaide – based on the betting odds
• Collingwood to beat West Coast Eagles – because we can
• Adelaide to fail against Essendon – I reckon Essendon have a better recent past
• Geelong to beat North Melbourne – even though Baldrick has surrendered the flag already
• Richmond to fail against Sydney Swans – three in a row seems a big ask for Richmond
• St Kilda to beat Melbourne – the Saints still have a few agitators left
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Rox (5) (63)
Carlton to beat the Lions
Hawthorn to LOSE to Footerscray (Gillard to kick the winning goal)
Freo to beat Port
Collingwood to beat the Eagles
Adelaide to beat Essendon
Geelong to beat North Melbourne the Boring
Sydney to beat Richmond – but would love to see Richmond win
Saints to beat Melbourne
Sorry for the brevity but it looks as though there’s a match tonight,and I won’t be home before it starts, so I’ve rushed this out in my lunch hour, with not much thought attached.
(WHY is there a match tonight?)
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Early days but I get the feeling Brisbane are going to roll a less-than-impressive Carlton. No other Melbourne-based side could possibly blow this opportunity. Not even Melbourne.
Scores are level now. It’s a matter of who makes the most mistakes. Although Leanne just described it as a “comedy of errors”. I will defer to her greater wisdom.
Game over. Carlton easily. “What did you think of that game, Leanne?”
“It was rubbish.”
“Yes, you’re right.”
Have we all tipped the same?
Is that Leanne’s bag or yours Raymond?
Looks a bit light on for a Geelong one, ours are normally filled with bricks, as modelled by Rooke, Chapman et al.
It’s Steve Johnson’s. You know, the one he hit Baker with.
Leanne’s hanbag is red, white & black. I’m taking it with me on Sunday to the game.
Bloody hell, when did they move this game to the MCG and why? It makes my comments look pretty stupid. At least Footscray is just in front @ half time. Cracking game.
Tipped this.
However, not the result
Bulldogs get stage fright. Greg takes another break on the field.
They should have won that.
I have two out of two … on the way to eight out of eight
Hmm, I still dunno about your Essendon tip, Greg. No Fletcher and it’s in Adelaide where their record is poor.
But if you get the 8 you win the handbag.
Lucky escape Greg.
Wow! See Richmond go!
They might be playing down here in Hobart some time. I feel a bit more excited by that than I did initially.
Now, that’s a record. I think we each got six games right for the first time
That’s right, Greg, 6 each. Although I point out that Rox, Baldrick and I were a total of 7 pts away from getting 8 (Footscray losing by 3, Sydney by 4). I tried to tell you about picking Essendon!
Highlight: Bloody Richmond again!
Lowlights: Bloody Ben Cousins & drugs (I hope he’s okay). And of course that shocking broken leg to Freo’s Barlow. He will never be the same again and that’s a great pity as he’d only just started and was already a superstar.
Btw, I had to laugh at the Richmond CEO, who said that Cousins’ girlfriend had called the club doctor saying she was “unable to arouse him”.
And for that they call an ambulance?
I must say I’ll be sad to see that Geelong handbag slip further down the page after tonight’s Rd 15 post. Much like Geelong will start to slip down the ladder after they lose to Hawthorn and a few others.
We’re in more trouble than the early settlers.
Not yet. Just soon.