AFL round 16 ‘expert’ tips
It’s ‘political insults’ round
"No Bob, I said you can shove your book up your backside, not in your ear."
There are no riveting or ground-breaking footy stories for the intro this week. But, as former PM Paul Keating is also the former #1 ticket holder @ the ‘Club of arseholes’ (which is the only thing I didn’t like about him), I think it’s okay to bring the Keating/Hawke stoush (over the Bimbo Blanche book) into the fray of AFL footy. Don’t you just love Keating’s insults?:
“I carried you through the whole 1984-1987 parliament, insisting you look like the prime minister, even if your staff, the Manchu Court I called them, were otherwise prepared to leave you in your emotional hole. No other prime minister would have survived going missing for that long.”
“Yours and Blanche’s rewriting of history is not only unreasonable and unfair but grasping. It is as if, Narcissus-like, you cannot find enough praise to heap upon yourself.”
They’re not as ‘out there’ as some of his others like,
“Look, just because you swallowed a f*cking dictionary when you were 15 doesn’t mean you can tip a bucket of sh*t on the rest of us.”
And:
“Sit down. Shut up. You pig.”
I could go on but what else has this got to do with footy? Well now that Paul is no longer associated with ‘the club of arseholes’, maybe he could give Stephen Milne a few insults to hurl back at Michael Malthouse after Malthouse’s spray at Milne in Rd 3. Like:
“The only reason you’re still the coach of Collingwood after 10 years of failure is because you and Eddie are a matching pair of hairy-arsed book ends.” or,
“Watch out for your back Malthouse – Buckley is sharpening his razor wit and brilliant coaching skills. He’s about to belt you with a limp lettuce leaf, which should be enough to knock you off.”
I could go on. But I won’t. Here are the ‘expert’ tips.
In keeping with the theme, mine are in insult mode. Last round’s results & YTD are in these things ( ):
Ray (7) (80)
Adelaide v Geelong: I am almost tempted to tip the upset here. The whingeing Handbaggers are looking far too cocky for a side that could only kick 6 goals against their nemesis 3 weeks ago and fell in against a very over-rated Hawthorn last week. If Geelong are a “better side this year”, as their inept coach claimed this week, what does that say other than they are deluded?
Collingwood v St Kilda: I love the way that Collingwood keeps sticking its ugly head up for the Saints to knock off, time after time. Let’s see if they can kick more than 4 goals this time. And don’t you just love it when they say “it was only bad kicking that cost us the game in Rd 3, we kicked 4.17 and would have won if we’d kicked straight.” Well, no, you kicked poorly because you were put under enormous pressure and you were like frightened little boys playing real men. And you don’t have any key forwards, and we lost Riewoldt in that game but still beat you. Look out, he’s back! Oh, but you’ve got Leon back – that’ll help!
Hawthorn v Brisbane: What? Well it’s like this: Hawthorn are a bunch of cheats. We all know this. They cheated their way to a premiership in 2008. They were taking something, for sure. This week Franklin is out. Why? Because these idiots have underestimated Brisbane (who get Brown back) and are resting Buddy for the Saints game next week. They’re so stupid (well let’s face it, drugs do that to you) they’ll probably think they don’t need their substances to beat the Lions. But they do. They always need them.
Essendon v West Coast: This game is between arguably the two worst teams in the comp. Yes, Essendon are undisciplined and piss weak. And their coach is a real loser. It could go either way depending on which side makes the most f*ck ups. Essendon by a 50 metre penalty.
Bulldogs v Pt Adelaide: In bloody Darwin? Why do the Bullies play these games in the torture chamber? The only benefit is they shed a lot of puppy fat in the sweltering conditions. Why then are they leaving barge-arse Barry Hall at home? Oh well, at least old man Brad Johnson might lose a pound or two – if he doesn’t have a stroke first.
Carlton v Sydney: Oh my God. Carlton’s little boys vs the Sydney Gays. There could be arrests here. I dunno who to pick. If Adam Goodes can keep his eyes on the ball and not the balls then the Sydney boys might ‘get up’ instead of getting up. Oh, give it to Carlton whose only asset is their speed. And they’ll be running all night – I mean, you would run like fury to avoid being groped wouldn’t you? Maybe not!
Richmond v Nth Melbourne: At the start of this year it looked like Richmond should be the club to either fold or move to Tassie. Maybe they will still relocate to two-head land but they will now do it in style with Jumpin’ Jack Riewoldt leading them back to his home State as winners . Whereas North … err, why do they still exist? I think it’s time for ‘roo culling. Shoot their dipstick of a President first, little James Bigmouth.
Fremantle v Melbourne: Melbourne’s only chance is if Michael Barlow decides to hobble onto the ground to see if he can break the other leg. Some of Melbourne’s kids have never left the State before and have actually been organising passports for the flight over to Perth. So has the coach.
.
Baldrick (7) (80)
Hence, I will not resort to insults, I only have high praise for any of Geelong’s opponents (yes, I did read what Raymond wrote).
Don’t know where you get the time to write a novel.
Tips:
Geelong
St.Kilda ( Premiership defining win this)
Hawthorn
Essendon
Footscray
Carlton
Richmond
Fremantle
Now be nice
(What a whimp. It’s so , so, so ….. so Geelong!)
.
Greg (5) (80)
• Geelong should have no trouble beating Adelaide by 40 points.
• I reckon Collingwood are travelling better than St.Kilda and should win.
• I cannot, for the life of me, see Hawthorn losing to the Lions.
• Essendon have been too good lately and should beat West Coast
• Western Bulldogs will trounce Port Adelaide.
• I will stick with Carlton to beat Sydney Swans.
• North Melbourne should break Richmond’s great run of four wins
• Fremantle will beat the spent Demons.
.
Rox (6) (75)
Cats to beat the Crows
Saints to beat the Pies – this is a hard one. I hope Nick R is in better shape this week.
Hawthorn to beat the Lions, despite their lavatorial colours
Essendon to beat the Eagles in a race to the bottom that I’ve stopped caring about
Footerscray to beat Port – I’d say no-brainer, but that often comes back to bite you
Blues to beat the Swans – bit of a tossup
Tigers to beat NMFC
Freo to beat Melbourne – but I’d love to see Melbourne win
It all seems a bit tame after the World Cup.
(Actually, Rox, the World Cup final was an anti-climax. It often is)
Promoting 'Beautiful Bright'.
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I think you could have given me a tipoff about the insults Ray, FFS!@! My tips look really tame next to your vitriol.
Pity we couldn’t have worked “unrepresentative swill” in there somewhere. (FIFA?)
I’m happy to edit your post and include any insults you want to throw in, Rox. It’s open slather this week and no one need take offence.
I just hope Baldrick understands that – they’re a bit sensitive, those Geelong sooks.
I’m looking forward to what Baldy can throw at me. I’ve put on a cloth suit of armour, such will be the impact of his hurts.
Carn a Pies!!!!
It’s “Insult Round’ this week, HJ, meaning I’m allowing people to insult footy teams & even their supporters (but only general swipes not individualised personal traits).
You are welcome to go for it with the Saints and me – the Pies and their toothless supporters are such an easy target.
All in good fun of course.
I’m hanging out for Baldrick to chime in but you know what Geelong supporters are like: sanctimonious, two-faced, whiny and full of false praise for their opponents – condescending even.
As they said on “Flying High” when the plane needed to have an emergency landing and it was instructed to land on a certain runway, the pilot retorted, no he wasn’t as that’s what they wanted him to do.
Hence, I will not resort to insults, I only have high praise for any of Geelong’s opponents (yes, I did read what Raymond wrote).
Don’t know where you get the time to write a novel.
Tips:
Geelong
St.Kilda ( Premiership defining win this)
Hawthorn
Essendon
Footscray
Carlton
Richmond
Fremantle
Now be nice
I knew it. So predictably Geelong. Take the sanctimonious high moral ground and heap false praise on others like goody two-shoes. No wonder you get called handbaggers. It’s all a pretense.
Btw, took me 5 minutes to write the post – insulting other teams is easy, they all deserve it and it comes naturally.
I have picked Geelong but I have had this octopus styled vision that your team is so pissed off that the litlte girl gary is leaving them (geezus they’d be better off without him looking at his recent attitude) that they have lost their focus and are about to capitulate to the Crows, of all teams.
Spoiled sport.
I’m not happy with him either. I have a very simple philosophy when it comes to teams and everything for that matter. If you don’t want to be part of the team, just piss off.
Well Baldrick, it’s a two-way street. As much as I think little Gary is a self-interested, slightly better version of his totally unprincipled father, the Geelong FC, and particularly coach Mark Thompson, have acted like prized fools in this matter.
You seem to be following this far more than me. I judge players and coaches on their performances not their mouths in general.
Well that might explain why you do not see what I see. It does not take long to read a few news reports and/or watch the TV news. And what they are saying (what Thompson is saying) is inconsistent with what is going on.
Thompson seems to be in denial about 2 things:
1) Ablett’s position
2) St Kilda’s clear smashing of them in Rd 13
The game is played not just on the field but also between the ears. And thats where Geelong have some issues.
We’re gone
Do you mean tonight or for the season?
If tonight: You’re 6 pts up @ half time and playing ordinary footy against an ordinary team that is trying harder than Geelong but lacking the skills & execution to capitalise. You might scrape through and you might not.
If the season: You are not “gone” per se, but you cannot win the flag if you come up against St Kilda in the finals, as you surely must. Because deep down Geelong knows that St Kilda has their measure.
And Ablett is leaving.
We’re gone, the sky is falling…………..
Well yes, you ARE gone. Adelaide totally outplayed you.
I’ve examined this with a fine tooth comb and come to the conclusion that Adelaide played much better. I’m staying very optimistic though, I reckon we should make the finals.
The concern should be that Geelong are fading out in the 2nd half of games. It’s lack of fitness or desire – or a combination of both.
Just brings us back into the pack where I think we belong anyway.
Don’t be silly. Geelong are still in the top 3. You’ve lost top spot but you’re guaranteed of being 2nd regardless of the outcome of tomorrow’s St Kilda – Collingwood game.
Fall at the first. Terrible game.
“They have no ideas, no integrity and no ability” – Paul Keating quote , in the spirit of the round.
Thanks for breaking the monotony of the alternating Ray & Baldrick faces in the sidebar, Rox.
I think that Keating quote was addressed to Carlton. The “no integrity” bit gives it away.
So we’ve got an election. I only have one question: I’m watching Julia leave the GG’s house on Sky News live a few minutes ago and then they go straight to Bob Brown for his thoughts on the election. Huh? Why?
Nobody else available? Adam Bandt to win Melbourne? Greens to hold BOP on the Senate? He’s a nicer bloke than Tony Abbott?
Adam who? I hope the Greens don’t hold the B.O.P. – I don’t think they’re ready for that yet. Besides, as it’s only a half Senate election it’s unlikely that will happen. Although the good thing is that nutter Steve Fielding faces re-election, and he’s got no hope.
On the topic of footy, the Saints might struggle today. Dal Santo is a late withdrawal due to ‘flu’, which has swept through the club. Might be the only way Collingwood can beat them.
This does not look good. Saints are sluggish and Riewoldt does not look fit. It’s only 1/4 time but they need a big lift.
Gone
Utterly.
i’m still being nice
If Collingwood just beat the Saints 100 to 52, does that must mean:-
(A) the Magpies are better than St. Kilda
(B) the Saints have peaked too early
(C) Ray is getting his come uppance for bragging about HIS team
BTW – did you notice that Collingwood is on top of the ladder
It says that Collingwood is the best team in the competition and unbeatable, in fact, won’t lose another game this year.
It means:
A. C’wood were better today.
B. St Kilda hasn’t ‘peaked’ at any stage this year. They’ve been steady.
C. I have never ‘bragged’ about them. When? Find a quote.
I could add that, err, *someone* does a lot of bragging and excuse making about C’wood. At least I’m not blaming bad kicking (6.16 and some shocking misses) unlike, err, *someone* did when C’wood managed only 4.17 in Rd 3. We would have lost anyway despite C’wood kicking some flukes – we were not good enough today. That’s St Kilda 4, C’wood 1 from their last 5 encounters. Good to see you managed to kick more than 7 goals this time.
Btw, enjoy your time on top. It’s temporary but the benefit is it lets C’wood get ahead of themselves and set themselves up for the inevitable finals collapse.
See ya in September, I’m looking forward to the rematch already.
Btw#2: Riewoldt shouldn’t have played (not that it would have made much difference if he hadn’t)
There goes Baldrick pumping up the opposition. Good to see he doesn’t reserve his false praise for the Saints.
I’m still being nice.
And boring. Say something else please.
Is anyone watching Malthouse’s press conference? He can’t even be gracious in victory.
Question from reporter: What was different today about the way you went about it? In previous 4 encounters with St Kilda they’ve kept you to only 40 or 50 pts.
Malthouse: We kept ourselves to those scores.
Q: And you topped the 100 today?
Malthouse: What does that mean?
Even when he wins he’s defensive! Lyon, on the other hand, gave praise to C’wood and was not a sore loser. Neither am I.
Greg, FYI, the comments I made pre-game were in the context of the theme I gave to this round – “Insults Round”. I didn’t mean them, and, as you would know, I’m always circumspect about St Kilda’s chances.
Although I DID mean the comments about Geelong, the whinging handbaggers (well, it’s still ‘insult round’).
So, are you trying to say that in “Insults Round”, the insults only count coming from the losing teams?
I dunno what you mean, Greg. The “insults” were just a bit of fun and were only aimed at footy teams not other tipsters (exceptions made for Baldrick).
Malthouse is a real piece of work.
Btw, after 3 games it’s:
Ray: 0
Baldrick: 1
Greg: 2
Rox: 1
A round of upsets. Pity I picked the wrong upset.
I am no fan of Malthouse, he seems an angry ant but is an oracle.
One of his classic quotes some years ago was “The ox is slow but the earth is patient”, lending from his fellow backline player at Richmond, Charlie Confucius. Genius.
Never did I really expect Adelaide to win against the Cats. It’s been a terrible season, but great signs for the future are emerging and we are starting to play good football.
I didn’t expect St Kilda to lose today either. I am deaply troubled by the realisation that Collingwood could actually be the real deal…..
I do expect Port Adelaide to lose tonight in Darwin. I just hope I am not wrong again!
Malthouse is like the bloke who has one eye on his back all the time. No surprise, considering he’s trading on successes at West Coast way back in 1992 & 1994 as his coaching credentials.
He’s been coach @ Collingwood for ten years without success and only 2 GF appearances (again, well back in 2002 & 03). He’s got Buckley (now there’s a real ‘genius’) as ‘coach in waiting’ and it’s like he thinks everyone is out to get him.
But HE is the reason Collingwood will NOT win the flag. He doesn’t actually seem to like or trust his own players.
Do you rate Buckley? He came on radio here every week for a while last year. Amazingly boring and unexciting man. He seems to have had some success at a junior level, but I can’t really understand why he is rated so highly.
I don’t rate him at all. I reckon he’d be a hopeless coach and it surprises me that Malthouse is so paranoid about him. Then again, that’s probably because Eddie intends for Buckley to succeed Malthouse come hell or high water. He’s nuts to do that. He’s also nuts to think Malthouse should still be there. They’d be better off getting Mark Williams – Choco.
I’d have Malthouse as coach over Williams any day of the week. But I would have Williams ovre Buckley as coach also.
What are Malthouse’s credentials after 10 years without success and after 7 years without a GF appearance? I don’t think he’s got any. Nonetheless I am rapt that Eddie keeps him there (and even more rapt that Eddie intends to replace him with Buckley) because that means they cannot win a premiership.
Williams has done a lot with an ordinary side. They have been ordinary from inception yet he has got them to two GFs and a premiership. He is a great coach and I hope he gets Western Sydney.
I’m no fan of Malthouse either (the man can and often does behave like a total ass) but you aren’t really giving him due credit. He won two flags with West Coast in the early 1990s. With a club built virtually from scratch. Malthouse was also the one who transformed the football culture at Footscray in the mid to late 1990s and the Dogs have had a regular finals berth since.
As for Collingwood, he got them to two GFs and it was the players who failed miserably on the day, especially the second time. I don’t think you can attribute that to the coach.
As for Buckley, he’s an unknown but there is no denying his football brain. Where he has got the communication skills to be a good coach remains to be seen.
Cheers,
Carl
What a bummer of a round so far. Unbelievable results. I’m just glad that Essendon’s disaster against West Coast managed to overshadow St Kilda’s poor show. Who’d be Matthew Knights right now? He’s dead-man-walking. And Le Cras’ 12 goals – a great performance.
Unlike our performance from 5 games:
Ray: 1
Baldrick: 2
Greg: 3
Rox: 2
Bloody hell.
Yes Carl he “was” a good coach for a while. Although I’d suggest a ‘drovers dog’ could have coached West Coast to the flag in 1992 & 1994, so powerful they were.
As for his two GFs @ C’wood, well my point is the last one was 7 years ago. No other coach would still be there with his record since then.
He really is a fruitcake and I’d be looking at Choco as his replacement. He can coach, whereas Buckley is just expecting it to be handed to him.
There has been a ‘get rid of Malthouse’ lobby at Collingwood since about 2005, Ray, but it has been pretty well suppressed by Eddie. The move to nominate Buckley as his successor (I think he’s going to take over in 2011 regardless of what happens this year) was a bit of a concession to that lobby.
Malthouse is not a “fruitcake”, that’s just an ad hominem. He’s a pretty cluey chap who is sometimes given to ‘grumpy old man’ syndrome. But I do tend to think that his time is up.
Collingwood would never appoint Mark Williams as coach. He’s a former club captain and has ‘history’ with a couple of Collingwood powerbrokers. They are generally very good to their ‘favourite sons’ but Chocko is not a ‘favourite son’.
I think it’s more than ‘grumpy old man’ syndrome. He’s pretty much always been like that – highly defensive and paranoid. Chip on the shoulder comes to mind. I reckon “fruitcake” sums it up when you watch his interviews.
What (or who) did Choco do @ Collingwood that got him out of favour?
In the mid 80s there was a blow up over Williams’ contract, the club wanted him to take a pay cut and he refused. So they told him to piss off basically. Chocko went out in a ‘blaze of glory’ criticizing the board, the club culture, a couple of individuals who he felt had the knives out for him. Not publicly but in private and at a particularly memorable club function (might have been the Copeland Trophy dinner, can’t remember exactly.) He has been persona non grata at Collingwood ever since.
It’s true that Malthouse’s media face has been ugly. But he is a pretty smooth operator and very much respected by the players. He wouldnt have lasted as long as he has otherwise. Also worth remembering that he’s coached at three clubs since the early 80s and has never been sacked, he has always left on his own terms. You’d expect a true “fruitcake” to have been shown the door at least once.
Fair enough. From my point of view I’m glad they kept him on. I reckon he burns up young players at a great rate of knots (that’s how he got an ordinary side to the GF in 02 & 03) and if he doesn’t win it this year they’ll be stuffed (again).
Looking at yesterday you’d think C’wood are looking good but I doubt they’ll knock off St Kilda in the finals. Geelong? Well, maybe.
I think C’wood will finish on top after Rd 22 with St Kilda, Geelong and either Freo, Footscray or Hawthorn making up the final 4. This year (because they’re all Victorian sides and Freo will finish 4th at best) it doesn’t matter if you’re first or third.
It’ll be game on and Geelong & St Kilda both know there’s no point peaking in the home & away season.
Btw Carl, I don’t know why your comments have all gone into moderation but I think that’s fixed now.
Oh bleargh, looks like a Swans win. Worst tipping week ever.
Thanks Ray.
What you say about Malthouse is true – he does ask a lot of his younger players. And there’s a question mark over Collingwood’s ability to produce the goods in ‘big’ finals, though I don’t think that’s necessarily down to Malthouse but more the mix of players there.
That said, there are distinct question marks over St Kilda and Geelong after this round. They were both pretty inept. But there’s a bit of a way to go. Hawthorn is looking like it is back to its premiership form. I doubt Freo’s form will hold though.
Yes Rox, I’ve got it on Austar and Carlton are actually making Essendon’s performance last night look okay. Geez, the Blues will be taking up space in the finals.
Carl, I’m inclined to tip Hawthorn to beat St Kilda this Friday night. We won’t come up very well from yesterday. I reckon Lyon is thinking, ‘well if we win 4 of the last 6 we’ll be top 4 and that’s all that matters’. Also, Riewoldt won’t come good for a few weeks yet and I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s rested against Hawthorn. Why take the risk?
Sydney by 47 @ 1/2 time. Dwayne Russell (not afraid to use hyperbole) just said, “It’s a horror show for Blues fans.”
But to everyone else it’s just a good comedy.
Christ I hope Richmond & Freo don’t let us down – I’m @ 1 out of 6 so far.
Yes, I’d be inclined to rest Riewoldt at least once between now and the end of the home/away season. I will tip Hawthorn to beat St Kilda this round but not with any great amount of confidence.
Poor old Richmond gone. I’m on two.
By the way Ray, I like our colours.
Our colours? Mine’s red, as is my face (I’m on 1/7).
You know what? Greg has opened up a lead again.
This is the tipping week from hell. I might as well go down to the TAB and put a fortune on Melbourne to beat Freo.
Actually it looks like Freo will do Melbourne – 25 up early in the 2nd. But we’ve all picked them anyway. On that basis the results are:
Ray: 2 (82)
Baldrick: 3 (83)
Greg: 5 (85)
Rox: 3 (78)
How does Greg do it? I wanna know!!!
He has an octopus.
Oh my God! It’s happening and I might have called it too early.
Melbourne has kicked six in a row and are now only 1 pt down nearing 3/4 time.
And I didn’t get to the TAB.
What a crap round!
Status quo on the tipping results. Freo by 11, although Melbourne had their chances to pinch it. This was a round I’d prefer to forget (for more than one reason).